Reflections on Time

How can time pass so quickly? I've such vivid memories of being 15.

Kinga and I trying to sneak out of her parents house at 1 in the morning and getting caught by her mother. Hanging out in various parking lots along South Fraser Way with the few guy friends we had who happened to have vehicles. Not wearing my glasses out in public for fear of looking like a dork, and having to ask Shiloh and Dee Dee if certain guys were cute or not.


This pondering of time gone by has been brought on by the realizations that:

1. I'm 29 years old, therefore I might as well be.....ugh, 30! and


2. My daughter's almost 4 years old.
   

I can still remember remnants of my single, self-indulgent life. Though at times I imagine myself bursting out the front door with my screams blocking out all other possible sounds, my hair a wild blaze trailing behind me as I run from our house to anywhere else but here, I know that this is where I'm meant to be. My role as mother and wife is far more important and fulfilling than any of my past meanderings could become.

With becoming a mother came the foreboding that I'm mortal and one day I'll die. I know I haven't made the most of everyday. I have days where I do nothing but sit in my pyjamas watching TV (or playing scrabble on facebook), neglecting any form of cleaning that needs to be done and playing a very basic, 'yes I'll get you food and juice' guise with Ava until Nathan comes home. But the days that I spend focusing on her and doing whatever it is that her little heart desires far outnumber the lazy, self-pity ones.

So I march on, as only one can do living the finite lives that we do. I take with me a beautiful collection of memories and ponder life's endless possibilities.